| How Many Riders Does It Take? |
WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS:
Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all
glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so
smooth and sparkly. Oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't
ride, you can do it.
ENDURANCE RIDER:
Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse respiration/hydration levels down
to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even
think about changing a light bulb.
DRESSAGE QUEEN:
Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to
such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The
very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:
These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and
adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will
not attain its true potential, but will forever be just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever,
use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of
classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER:
Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that stone wall while
riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll
put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER:
Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun
shines out of my rear. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically
blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN:
You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light
bulb dynamics" (video set available for $179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this,
you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb
will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by
me--$99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in), behave as all
good light bulbs should.
HUNTER RIDER:
Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs
somewhere else right now.
FOX HUNTER:
As soon as we finish with the hunt breakfast, Darling, and polish off what's left in our flasks...
heck we only need light at 5 AM to braid on a High Holy Day. We're used to catching our
horses in the dark! OK, so after we collect all the hounds, hose our horses and ourselves
down, have another glass of refreshment, I'll send someone else out to do it later, I need a
nap.
Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all
glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so
smooth and sparkly. Oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't
ride, you can do it.
ENDURANCE RIDER:
Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse respiration/hydration levels down
to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even
think about changing a light bulb.
DRESSAGE QUEEN:
Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to
such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The
very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:
These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and
adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will
not attain its true potential, but will forever be just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever,
use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of
classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER:
Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that stone wall while
riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll
put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER:
Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun
shines out of my rear. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically
blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN:
You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light
bulb dynamics" (video set available for $179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this,
you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb
will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by
me--$99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in), behave as all
good light bulbs should.
HUNTER RIDER:
Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs
somewhere else right now.
FOX HUNTER:
As soon as we finish with the hunt breakfast, Darling, and polish off what's left in our flasks...
heck we only need light at 5 AM to braid on a High Holy Day. We're used to catching our
horses in the dark! OK, so after we collect all the hounds, hose our horses and ourselves
down, have another glass of refreshment, I'll send someone else out to do it later, I need a
nap.
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